My kids are funnier than your kids!!!

My kids never cease to amaze me with the things that come out of their mouths. They are absolutely hysterical, even whey they try not to be. Yesterday was a classic...

While driving home from Beaumont with Miller, he was talking (incessantly) to me. He brought up the subject of the school nurse and how she wears the same kind of clothes everyday. I explained to him that it was a nurse's uniform, and she wears it to distinguish her as the school nurse. Then, he proceeds to say: "I think she sleeps at the school." I chuckled (I knew where this was going), and he said "No, really. There are these beds by her office. I think she sleeps there." I had to then inform him that those were for kids that are sick and are waiting for the Mommy or Daddy to pick them up. I thought I was gonna fall over laughing!!!!

Now, onto Matt. We were sitting at th e McDonald's drive-thru and paying for the food, when I hear from the backseat: "Hey, what's your name, gull (4 y/o pronunciation). The girl tells her it's "Sara." We were just about to drive up to the next window when I hear from the backseat: "Hey, what's your name, wittle wady?" Maggie & I were rolling. I chuckled all the way to church, and all nite, when I would think about it.

Okay, so now, it's Maggie's turn. We went to pay the water bill, and Maggie asks me "Hey, Mom. Can we buy an island?" I responded with the typical "Sure, no problem." She starts talking about it and says: "I'm gonna name it Hock-a-loogie." I start laughing and asked where she got that from, and of course it was one of those phrases I had taught her. Anyway, I asked her how she decided to name her island Hock-a-loogie, and she says: "I don't know. Sounds kinda Hawaiian to me." So, anyone wanna live on Hock-a-loogie Island with us? ROFL

I wonder, where do they come up with this stuff???

Back to School!

I know that many of you have children that are NOT school age. However, low and behold, I have all 3 of mine in school! Well, Matt is only for a 1/2 day, but don't tell her she's not big stuff!

Maggie is in 4th grade. She was so excited about going back to school, that when she woke up at 5:45 a.m., she couldn't go back to sleep. She seemed to have enjoyed the first day back, but was not thrilled to learn neither of her best friends are in her class. Maggie has a pretty laid back attitude about school.

Then, there's Miller. He was so excited that he couldn't get to sleep Sunday nite, which meant he didn't want to get up yesterday morning. He's in 1st grade and in the G&T class. He strives for perfection. He does not like to get anything below a 100. Quite a bit of stress for someone so young. At least one of them cares about their grades. LOL

Maggie is extremely intelligent - she had a PERFECT score on the TAKS test, and received a commendation certificate. The difference is, she just does not put as much effort into it. Miller, on the other hand, gets quite upset if he does not get every question correct. I guess I'm going to have to work on this with him.

Now, about Matt. She started Pre-K this year, or as she says "Pee-K." She looked adorable this morning. She had her new Hannah Montana shirt on, hair in 2 ponytails and her Hannah Montana back pack. She was just running to her class after Maggie walked her to the sidewalk. It was absolutely precious! I wish I would have taken a picture.

These moments are so precious. It will not be long before I am having to physically yank the farts out of bed and onto the floor in order to get them to start getting ready for school. There will soon be the mornings filled with dirty looks as I drop them off at their respective schools.

This is the only year I will ever have all 3 kids at the same school. After this year, I will be dropping Maggie off at Middle School and Miller and Matt at the elementary school. By the time Maggie reaches 9th grade, I will have one in elementary, one in middle and one in high school. I think I will paint my car yellow, slap a taxi sign on it and start accepting fares. Maybe that way I can pay for the gas.

I would not trade the adventure for the world. It is well worth all of the stress, heart ache, hard work, etc. Of all the jobs I have ever had, my favorite is simply "Mom."

The Tiny Princess a/k/a Monkey

This child is absolutely HILARIOUS. She is so animated. Her facial expressions are priceless. Last nite, she was wanting me to order pizza (keep in mind she's only 4). She looks at me with her hands clasped together (as if getting ready to pray), attempting to bat her eyes and stick out her bottom lip, and says "Pease?" No, I did not misspell that. LOL

There are no r's or s's in her vocabulary. We go wimming and her Daddy calls her weet pee. Did you know there are certain one syllable words that actually contain two syllables? For example, hair is pronounced hai-rr; head is pronounced Hay-ed.

Last nite did end up being pizza nite. Pizza nite is always fun. We sit at the table cutting up and joking around. Maggie burped, and we were all talking and giggling. All of a sudden, Matt says "shhh. Quiet." Then, she said "Damn-it." I was trying not to let her see me laughing as I told her not to say that. Instead, she says "Oh, my goodness." We all looked at her, and she replies ", I can't burp." The little fart was sitting there trying to make herself burp, and wanted to be sure we all heard her. LOL I thought we were all gonna fall on the floor laughing.

She can also come up with some "tall tales." The other day, she was talking to her Daddy on the phone and talking to him about a Miley Cyrus concert." She gets off the phone and tells me she is going to a Miley concert. Of course, I'm wondering what she has cooked up with her Dad. So, I call him, only to find out he was also wondering what she was talking about. He wasn't taking her to a Miley concert, either. LOL

Matt is quite the little Fashionista, as well. She can match clothes better than any little girl I have ever seen. She's better than Maggie. LOL She loves to wear the little skirts with the shorts built in. However, since she is such a bully around the house, it reminds me of putting an elephant in a tu-tu. Or, for those of you who have ever seen "Hope Floats," the chubby little girl in the dress with the high-tops that beat up Bernice. That's our Matt.

Things I have learned in Motherhood...

Well, I woke up this morning, definitely more upbeat than I have been over the last few days. Let's just hope it stays that way. LOL

This morning, I was thinking about a lot of things I have learned over the past 9 years, since Maggie was born. So, here we go:

Blonde is NOT just a hair color. It is a personality trait.

Boys are DEFINITELY different than girls.

Peeing all over and around the toilet is something boys have inherited.

Boys do not carry a gene for sensitivity toward sisters.

Never underestimate the intelligence of your youngest child.

Your older children can be more scared of your youngest child, than she is of them.

If you do not want it repeated, do not say it in front of your kids.

Girls have a magnet that tends to pull everything from the closets and off the shelves, as they walk through a room.

A clean room is one with pathways to the bed and TV.

A bed is made when the comforter is thrown across the bed & the pillow laid on top.

Chips - the breakfast of champions.

Caffeine is my friend.

It is possible to stay up until 2:00 with one child, and then wake up at 6:00 with another (see above).

A shopping trip to Wal-Mart, without kids, is considered a mini-vacation.

My house will never be as clean as it was, prior to the birth of child #3.

Xanax should be a requirement for all single Moms with more than 2 children.

Parents that say their kid has ADHD are not just using it as a cop-out for bad parenting.

It is NOT possible for a 4 y/o girl to pee standing up.

If your son says he needs to pee, and you hear the back door shut, you might want to check this out.

A 3 y/o child has a general idea of where a tampon goes.

No matter what you think, a 3 y/o will think the haircut they gave themselves is wonderful.

A 4 y/o can match clothes better than a 9 y/o.

Little boys can be grumpier than old men.

Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It's more like the stinking can of peanuts with the springy snakes that pop out. You know something is gonna happen, but it still surprises the snot out of ya.

Although you may not be able to see the bo-bo, it does require a band-aid.

Any time you hear "Uh, Oh," grab the paper towels, mop, broom and dust pan.

After a bath, it is possible for there to be more water on the floor than in the tub.

"Nobody" did it.

It is physically impossible for kids to get their dirty clothes in the hamper, although it is only 6 inches away.

The most glorious time of motherhood is the day you realize you will never have to purchase and/or change another diaper, until you have grandchildren!!!

Most importantly, learn to just "go with it." The house will never be clean, the laundry will never be finished and you will never be able to please all of them at the same time.

My aching heart...

Before becoming a mother, I once heard it said that your children are your heart running around outside of your body. I never knew how true this saying would be.

I’ve been in a funk since Saturday. A friend of ours took me and the kids shopping and bought their backpacks, Maggie a pair of shoes, and each of them a new shirt. For the sake of my kids, I am having to learn to suck it up and let people help, when they offer. Anyway, Maggie and I were looking at some clothes in her department. She keeps pointing out some really cute stuff and asking if she can get it. Of course my answer is the resounding “I just can’t do it right now.” A few minutes later as we were returning from the restroom, she asks me “Momma, why do other people get to have what they want, and we always have to get what is cheapest?” How in the heck do you answer that? The look on her face said it all… Last Sunday at church, Miller had gotten this little card from Sunday School that said pray for the poor, or something like that. He points to it and says “That’s us.” Plus, during another conversation, when Maggie asked if everyone was poor, Miller replied, “No, just us.” My heart is broken… I do not want to give them the cliché “But, we have each other.” A 9 y/o and a 7 y/o do not truly understand what that means.

You know how when you see people at church, they generically ask "How are you?" "How are things going?", etc.? Do you ever wonder if they mean that sincerely? Do they really want to know how things are going, or is that just their manner of saying "Hello?" I am that type of person who tries her best to put on that "happy, go lucky," exterior for everyone. So, when posed any of the above, I smile and say things are going good or great. It is my feeling that people, more than likely, do not want to hear that my life bites, I feel like white trash, I feel as if my world continues to fall down around me, I hate not being able to provide better for my kids, etc. Therefore, I tell them what they want to hear.

I'm sure those of you that read this probably question whether I suffer from depression. The answer to that question would be "Yes, I do." "I am medicated, and everyday when I look at how many pills I take for it, I am amazed that I am not flittering around smiling and laughing incessantly. To answer another question - No, I generally do not show my kids this side of me. 95% of the time, they see the happy go lucky, sarcastic, goofy Mom. That is what they need from me. So, that is what I give them. They need to see me being positive about our situation. That way, they will have the best attitude possible.

I know that God is there. I know he sees my pain. I know there is a purpose for my pain. I just wish God would reveal his plans for me. I am one of those people who needs definite plans. I do not deal well with maybe, possibly, etc. I need to know for sure. So, the fact that I have no idea what I am supposed to do, is playing on what little sanity I have.

Today is a better day!

I find myself relieved that yesterday is over. I was in a "funk," and I couldn't figure out what started it, or why. I'm sure 99.99999% of it had to do with having to come to this job I absolutely HATE! I am ever so grateful to have a job, it would just be wonderful if it was a different one. LOL I am presently trying to find something better, preferably no longer in the legal field. I have gotten out of it twice before, and SWORE I would never go back. Well, here I am. LOL Third time's a charm??? Please pray that I will find something before I lose what sanity I have left.

Anyway! Onto a different subject... My kids... This morning, I'm calling Maggie, because I need to do something. This is the reply I receive: "Maggie's not in right now. Leave a message at the beep. 'Beep.'" It's times like this I am so proud. She is learning when and how to use the sarcastic wit I have taught her. LOL

The other day, I called Miller into the kitchen to take his medicine. He comes walking in with his finger in the air, trying to get that groove-thing going and says "I ain't gonna take my medicine." I did figure out one thing: "White boy ain't got no groove." I thought I was gonna crack up. Wednesday nite, when we were leaving church, he kept telling me to look up, it's shiny. I finally figured out he was talking about how the sun was behind the clouds, and the rays were shining around them. His reasoning: "I think God is having a party, or Jesus." I thought it was hilarious & sweet at the same time.

Matt has been on a roll, too. However, she has not been so funny lately. She's just downright M-E-A-N!!!! If she sees it and wants it, she decides she should have it. She will hit, bite, kick, etc., in an effort to obtain the desired object. For those of you at my church, do NOT let this cuteness full you... She is an angel with horns. LOL

Isolation...

Where to begin??? I love my children, and I do not regret being a single Mom. The circumstances of how I became a single Mom were beyond my control. When I married my ex-husband, never, and I mean NEVER, did I imagine ending up "here." I loved being married - the companionship, being with my best friend, having that constant confidant. Unfortunately, it is what it is, and there is nothing I can do about it. I just did not know the absolute isolation this life would bring.

I go home every evening, and I get the kids fed, bathed and in the beds. Once they are asleep, an eery calm comes over the house. I am alone - alone and lonesome. Alone with my emotions, my fears, my stress. Lonesome for someone to talk to, to share my day with, to just be with. The silence can become deafening.

At work, I arrive at the office in the morning, and I am alone. Heck, I'm alone even when the boss-man arrives. He only speaks to me when absolutely necessary. If he's out of the office, it gets as quiet around here as it does in the evenings, after the kids are asleep. I do not get a lunch break, so I am unable to visit with friends during that time.

I absolutely hate the weekends when the kids are with their Dad. The minute they walk out the door, the house goes into a coma. I am left alone, for the entire weekend. Due to the isolation, it is almost impossible to maintain friendships, other than the one with my best friend of 25 years. She is married, taking care of her in-laws, and we generally keep in contact via e-mail. I go no where, I hang out with no one, other than my mother. So, I just piddle around the house and watch TV or get on the computer.

I do look forward to going to church and visiting with people there, but I feel socially inept. I feel as if I no longer have social skills. I get so happy to be around people, that I feel I am often a little overbearing, talking too much. So, then I go into the mode where I barely speak. I have trouble finding that "happy medium."

There is only one time of day I enjoy the quiet and isolation, and that is in the early morning, when it's still dark and the kids are still asleep. I read my Bible and I pray. I pray for my kids, my Mom, my church, for the man God has chosen for me (does this man really exist?) and for wisdom, among many other things. Sometimes, I feel God is my only friend, and I can speak to Him for long periods of time. I know He should be all I need. It's just hard to let Him.

How do I overcome the isolation? Will I ever get used to it? How do I make and maintain new friendships? How do I allow God to become "enough?"

It's Miller Time!

And, no, I do not mean the beer. LOL

Today, I will share a few things about Miller, aka Wild Man, linguine, noodle, bear, Grumpaw (that's my fave). Miller is my only boy, and a HUGE Momma's boy. He is my comforter, wiper of my tears, favorite man in my life. He is also the grumpiest little man I have ever met, hince the nickname "Grumpaw." I have never seen a little boy that can gripe and complain about everything. LOL In his mind, he has pre-determined the way things should be. God help anyone who distorts this. LOL Other things that make him grumpy: Interrupting his videogame to make him do chores, sleep, eat, etc. Touching his videogame while it is on pause.

As for the nickname "Linguine," this one came about one morning when I went in to wake him. He was sleeping on his stomach, in just his boxers. For those of you that know him, he is skinny, and pasty white. The boy doesn't tan, he just gets a darker shade of pale. Anyway, I look down at his long, skinny, white body, and the first thing I am reminded of his linguine - long, flat and skinny. That was the perfect description of Miller.

Although he is quite grumpy, he can also make me laugh. This morning, he was messing around with Prissie's dog toy and making it squeak. He looks at me and says "I'm not farting. I'm squeezing her toy." I thought I was gonna fall over.

Miller has ADHD, with an emphasis on the "H." He is extremely hyper, prior to taking his medicine. He wakes up "wide open." He has this noise he makes that can only be described as "Whoop, whoop." Anyone that ever visited Astroworld in its prime, will recall the siren that went off prior to every drop of the Skyscreamer. That is exactly what it sounds like. There are various other noises, but there are no descriptive sounds/words for them. LOL Put it this way, I once purchased him a t-shirt that read "Wanna Hear My Special Effects?" That's definitely Miller. LOL

They crack me up!

So, for those of you that do not know me, I have quite the reputation as a smart a**. LOL I'm not sure how often I even say anything serious. Generally, if it comes out of my mouth, it should be taken with a grain of salt. LOL

As I tend to pick on my kids, quite a bit, they have picked up on my sarcasm. The other day, when joking around, the 4 y/o called me a nerd. I'll tell the oldest one something, and she says "Ya think?"

Anyway, I have this bad habit of singing portions of songs, or using quotes out of movies or commercials, in conversation. I do not quote them, I use them appropriately in conversation. Even I think it's quite annoying. LOL This afternoon I as singing a portion of "Some Enchanted Evening," from "South Pacific," I come to the part "...when I find my true love," and Maggie says: "which will probably be never!" I have taught her well. LOL

Blog Help!

As I am a novice to this, I could use a little help.

(1) How do I search for blogs posted by friends?
(2) How do I add a friend's blog link to my blog list?
(3) How in the heck do I get those pictures at the bottom of my blog a little bit smaller?!!??

I really am quite computer savvy, but I just can't quite wrap my brain around this one. LOL

Any other advice/hints/tips will be greatly appreciated!

Blah, blah, blah...

So, today is one of my days where I am in a "funk." I hate this feeling. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad, either. I just feel rather indifferent. It's an awful feeling.

Have you ever felt "stuck" in a situation? That's where I am presently. I am stuck in a situation, that I have NO idea how to get out of. I'm tired of living on government assistance. I'm tired of not having health insurance, I'm tired of barely, if at all, being able to pay bills, I'm tired of feeling like a failure. This time, 4 yrs ago, things were rather stable. My youngest was only 8 wks old, I had a fantastic home, a big car and a family that was complete. Who would have thought that 4 yrs later, I would be living off HUD, have a car that I continually pray will hang in there for another 50K miles and be a single Mom? Even after all this time, I still ask myself how I got "here." How did this happen? I know this all sounds so materialistic, but I miss parts of "that" life. You have NO idea how tired I am of hearing "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." If one more person tells me that, I'm gonna lose it. LOL

I know God has allowed all of this to happen to us. I am also intelligent enough to know that He has a reason. I do not question why me, but more of "What's the purpose?" What is He trying to show me? There are sooooo many things I would like to do with my life. I just want to do what God wants. My big question is "How do I discern His will from my will?" That is a question that constantly runs through my mind - discernment. I do not want to let Him down again. I want to, and must, do His will.

I often feel anticipation for what he has planned for me. It's kind of like when you were a kid, and you were all excited about a trip, or your birthday. Then, there are other days when I just want to throw up my hands and give up. As I write this, I realize that it is quite possible that I should throw up my hands in complete surrender to Him.

It's the Weekend!!!!

Well, I hope this finds everyone enjoying their weekend. I, on the other hand, spent the majority of my day asleep. LOL I am the resident insomniac. I do not sleep much most nights. I generally wake up at least once an hour. Since the kids are gone, I decided to take something with the hope that I might get a better night of sleep. Well, it sort of worked. I still woke up a couple of times, but I went into a coma around 6:00 this morning. I woke, looked at my watch, and thought it said 9:00. Well, it was 11:45. When not wearing your glasses, 11:45 resembles 9:00. LOL I still could not stay awake, so I went back to sleep, until around 4:00. At least I had a chance to relax.

After my last post, I was able to find the good in the situation of the rent increase. At least it will not start until AFTER my car is paid off. That is about the only good thing I can come up with. If anyone else can come up with something, PLEASE, let m know.

As I said before, my kids are gone for the weekend. So, what do I do when they are gone. I sit around and mope because they are not here! I know, it's sad... LOL Since I don't drink, I don't go out and I do not get the chance to meet anyone, I have nothing to do when they are gone. The highlight of my weekend is getting to sleep in, and the option of not getting up early for church on Sunday, which I'm sure God does not appreciate. It's gotten to be a habit that needs to stop. LOL

I guess I will take the time to tell you about my "parenting style." It is not your typical, traditional style of parenting. I absolutely ADORE my children, with every fiber of my being. I am constantly telling them how much I love them and how glad I am to have them. However, that's where the traditional stuff ends. I am not a coddler. I do not believe in running to my children whenever they get hurt. My philosophy is that if there is no blood, no broken bones, nothing protruding out of skin and no vomit, they will survive. Also, I do not believe in whining. We have a saying around my house, that my kids often quote with me: "This is a whine-free zone. There will be no whining, no pouting, no crying, not pitching of fits. This is A WHINE-FREE ZONE." They still whine... You will often here me call my oldest child Blondie, retard, dork, knucklehead, etc. However, it is said with all the love in the world. I cannot tell you how many nicknames I have for this kid. LOL She loves it, and thinks it is funny.

I like to refer to my son as Grump-paw. However, he does not think it is funny. LOL He is the grumpiest little man in the entire world. LOL He prefers to be called noodle or linguine. He is the skinniest, whitest child I have ever seen.

My youngest often is referred to as Monkey or Midget. She has been the smallest of all three of my kids. She is also the most stubborn, independent, hard-headed child, and I have no idea where it came from. She can also be the meanest. LOL

That's just a little about our family. I'm sure you will be hearing more, later.