You know you are standing at the top of the hill when...

I am heading "Over-The-Hill" this year. My best friend, will get there first, in February, and I will follow 4 months later. I am having a difficult time dealing with turning the big "4-0." However, as usual, I try to find the humor in it.

…To you, Salt ‘N Peppa is no longer just a 90’s rap duo, but the color of your hair;
…Your dream family car is no longer the Trans Am you said it would be when you were a teenager, but the ever-practical minivan;
…You feel for the sweet little old lady who has “fallen and [I] can’t get up,” and think having one of those devices is a good idea;
…It doesn’t matter how cute the shoes are, if they are not comfortable, you are NOT going to wear them;
…Laying down on the bed to zip your jeans is definitely NOT an option;
…Your hairstyle is no longer fashionable, but practical;
…You hear noises coming from different parts of your body, and never realized they were capable of such a thing;
…Your bras are no longer pretty, but functional, in order to help defy gravity;
…You think pretty panties are completely impractical;
…You cringe every time some young punk refers to you as “Ma’am;”
…Your dream man is no longer tall, dark and handsome, but easy on the eyes, gainfully employed, may (or may not) have hair and seems reasonably stable;
…You think President Bush is a rather nice-looking man, and not an old fart…

"I am blessed..."

"... I am blessed. From when I rise up in the morning, 'til I lay my head to rest..." It's so true. As down and lonesome as I get, I am constantly reminded that I am so blessed. I have three gorgeous kids, a wonderful mother, sweet brothers, a loving church family and so much more.

This Christmas, I was able to do slightly more for the kids. Then, I received a call from some friends at another church that were wanting to help a single mom - Me. I could not believe it. I told them just a little, and they went soooo wwwwaaayyy overboard. I went to the mailbox Christmas Eve morning, and someone had anonymously sent me a $50 Wal-Mart gift card. Then, as usual, I went to my best friend's parents' house for Christmas. I returned with 4 more presents per child. I cannot believe the blessings we receive, when I least expect them.

This was absolutely the best Christmas my kids have ever had. It gives me such joy to see how many people love us and care about us. Sometimes, I feel so undeserving. God constantly uses the people around me to remind me that He is here, and He cares. At times, it is overwhelming, and then, at other times, is it so subtle.

God truly sees each and every need and each and every want. He alway takes care of our needs, and at times also fulfills our wants. God truly is like our earthly father. Our earthly father's take care of our needs, and also fulfill some of our wants. We are all so blessed.

Bah, Humbug!

Okay, so I thought I would let you in on my thoughts with regard to Christmas music.

I am not very fond of it. Have you ever truly sat still and listened to the words of these songs? They are absolutely retarded! From the day after Thanksgiving, until the day after Christmas, I refuse to listen to my favorite station Christian station, they play Christmas music 24/7 for that month. UGH!!!! So, I am listening to streaming music from AFR (American Family Radio). However, I still get absolutely annoyed when they feel the need to throw in a Christmas song.

Think about the lines to “We Wish You a Merry Christmas…”

“Oh, bring us some Figgie pudding. Oh bring us some Figgie pudding.” What the heck is freakin’ Figgie pudding? Is that baby-talk for fig pudding? If so, who wants to eat that anyway. Besides, I think they sound a little demanding asking for it. "We won't go until we get some..." Can they say "Please?"

Also, think about “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” “…please have snow and mistle toe, and presents on the tree.” Who the heck puts the flippin’ presents on the tree???

If the kid really did see “Mommy Kissing Santa Claus,” don’t you think he would have been traumatized, hated Santa, hated Christmas and possibly his mother? Besides, don’t you think he would have told his Dad, who then would have told him Santa Claus was not real? The kid would have been traumatized…

Now, what about "Deck the Halls?" I'm sorry, but I would prefer NOT to deck the halls with "boughs of holly." That stuff is pretty ding-dang prickly.

A bunch of lyrical geniuses…

Now, the traditional Christian Christmas songs, I LOVE! "Oh, Holy Night," "Silent Night," "Away in a Manger." Now those writers truly were lyrical geniuses...

Where is he???

So, I've been contemplating this dating thing - again. Can someone PLEASE tell me how/where/when a single Mother of 3 is supposed to find a nice, loving, CHRISTIAN man with morals and values?

I know God has that perfect man already chosen for me. I'm just getting really tired AND BORED waiting on him to arrive. I miss adult conversation (with someone besides my Mom). I miss having my own personal cheerleader, confidante and partner-in-crime. I miss having that person you have "inside jokes" with. That person who knows what your thinking. I miss the shoulder to cry on, the hand to hold. I miss the phone calls just because. I miss having that person that I can't wait to share my good news with, when I actually have some. I want that person that I KNOW I will be with for the rest of my life. I miss having that person that actually cares how my day was.

You must be wondering how I can be so lonesome with three kids to occupy my time. It's simple. Raising kids alone gives you plenty of time to be lonely. There is no one there to back you up on the discipline, there is no one there to bounce ideas off of, there is no one there to kiss ME goodnight. LOL At the end of the day, when they are all asleep, you realize you are there for everyone, but who is there for you???

So, if you see my Knight in Shining Armor, will you PLEASE tell him how to find me?????

Turkey Porn...

I thought I would share a little of the excitement I experiencced for Thanksgiving.

So, it's Thanksgiving morning, and I'm helping Mom cook. I get the pan and rack out for the turkey and begin to unwrap the bird. Imagine my surprise when I see this!!!! Not only was it camera worthy, but cell phone worthy, as well. LOL

I look at the bird... I look at Mom... We both look at the bird and go into absolute HYSTERICS. Then, I realize that the "wanker" (aka the neck) has to come out of the bird. So... I begin to pull. The ding-dang thing will not come out. I pull some more, and still no "wanker." I stick my hand up the turkey's butt, in an effort to break it free. Still... No luck. All the while, the "wanker" is beginning to thaw. By this point, I feel like I am molesting the turkey. It reminded me of the scene in the movie "Bachelor Party." Tom Hanks & his buddies sneak into the Chippendales club to pull a prank on his fiance's Mom. They have some dancer put his "thing" into a hot dog bun and watch from the side as she tries to pull it off the tray.

Next, I take the bird to the sink and begin running water through it's butt. It was sort of like giving it an enema. I then have to stink my hand back up it's rear end to pull the "wanker" out of the cavity. A couple of tugs and "VOILA!!!!!" I am standing in the middle of the kitchen holding onto the Porno Turkey's "wanker."

Obviously... I did not enjoy any baked turkey on Thanksgiving.

Finally...

Well, I finally finished getting everything moved out of the other house. Presently, Mom's garage looks like the site of a garage sale. LOL Now, I will spend the weekend going through all of the stuff and getting it organized. I will also be painting the kids' room and getting it ready to put their beds together.

There are some things I have learned through this move. First and foremost, we had WAY TOO MUCH STUFF!!!!! Second, it is all just "stuff." The more of it I went through, the less of the stuff I felt it was necessary to keep. Some people will be making some serious cash off the stuff I left on the side of the road.

Let me explain - While my sweet boy was moving some things out of my car and into the garage, he dropped the top off of one of my favorite teapots. It looks like a desk and the top is (was) a typewriter. I was at the grocery store, and he called me in tears to tell me what happened. He was so afraid I was going to be angry with him. It was in that very moment I realized it truly is just stuff. My kids are the most important "things" in my life. So what if a teapot gets broken. I have 3 gorgeous kids that I adore and that adore me. The "stuff" can be replaced... My kids can NEVER be replaced. So what if I am never able to replace that teapot. I would drop it and break it myself before I would let one of my kids think my stuff is more important.

As I sit here looking around my Mom's house at all of her stuff crammed into every nook and cranny, closet, drawer, cabinet, counter-top, etc., I wish I could make her understand this concept. It's just "stuff." The memories in your mind and in your heart are what matter. Those are the sentimental things that can NEVER be replaced. We are the ones that place sentimental value on things - such as the box from a watch my mother received when she was 12. Who cares if it came from your mother's brother's aunt's uncle's cousin's father. It is still just stuff...

Don't get me wrong, I do have a few items I keep because they hold a special place in my heart. I have an Indian Chief wall hanging that was my Dad's. I keep it because I remember all of the conversations we had coming up with names for it, i.e. Chief Constipation. I have his felt hat he would wear when it was cold outside. I still have the little wooden stove my grandfather made for me.

I have learned through numerous moves (call me a nomad) that it is always great to start fresh. It's a nice feeling to let go and get rid of the excess. It's kind of like when we let go of our burdens and turn them over to God. God allows us to start fresh, with the weight lifted and the useless stuff gone... Just as I attempt to make the amount of my "stuff" less and easier to carry, He makes the load lighter and easier to bear...

I NEED A HUSBAND!!!!

No, I'm not trying to be set up on a blind date. There are many, many rewards to being a Single Mom. Looking at your children, seeing their accomplishments and knowing you had a hand in it; showing up for the Thanksgiving lunch at school, unannounced & getting to see the look of sheer delight on their face; not having to share their attention (yes, I know - that's selfish), etc. However, there are very critical times in life, when I feel I NEED to share the joy with a man. That time: WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO MOVE A FAMILY OF FOUR ON YOUR OWN!!!!!!

Yes, ladies... I need to borrow your husbands. It is absolutely IMPERATIVE we get moved out tomorrow, and I have not been able to locate any able-bodied help. Can some of you PLEASE spare your husbands for tomorrow evening??? I'm in DIRE need of some help!!!!! I have a truck, a dolly and a house full of boxes and furniture. The majority of the stuff will go into storage, except a few boxes and the kids' beds, which will go with us to Mom's.

Let me know if you know of ANYONE that can help.

Much love to you guys!!!! As always, thank you for your prayers!!! They are such a blessing on my life!

Glenna...

THANK YOU!!!!!

I want to thank all of you for your prayers & support. As many the ladies from my church know, I did get the kids back last nite. I had to agree NOT to give the kids their ADHD medication, until they are seen by yet ANOTHER psychiatrist. Apparently, the ex knows more than 2 psychiatrist, 1 psychologist and 3 licensed counselors. Anyway, as I said in an e-mail yesterday, if you see me with my clothes inside-out, make-up on just one eye, two different shoes and my hair standing on end, just love me. I will need it. LOL

As for the kids not being on medication, I have already received word from Miller's teacher that he is talking too much and unable to concentrate since he returned to school (he was out sick Monday & Tuesday and yesterday was his first day back "flying free"). Maggie is not doing well, at all. She was having meltdowns last nite and is extremely depressed. At one point last nite, she was hitting her forehead with the heal of her hand and saying "Stupid, Stupid, Stupid." Everytime I have to even slightly correct them, Maggie asks me if she is being bad. It's breaking my heart. Matt is unscathed. She's a go-with-the-flow kinda girl.

So, please continue to pray for us. Pray that we are able to get the mess with the medication resolved SOON!!!!

Prayer Meeting...

I am needing help from you ladies.

As some of you know, I am in a custody battle with my ex-husband, and he filed for Emergency custody of my children, and I have not seen them since dropping them off at school last Thursday morning.

Our hearing is scheduled for 8:30 a.m. tomorrow morning. I keep thinking of what the Bible says about "Wherever two or more, there I am in the midst of them." I feel God has laid it on my heart to gather some of my fellow Christians and have a literal prayer meeting tonight. If any of you are available tonight to meet at my mother's at 7:00 p.m. Mom's number is in the phone book. If you can make it and need the address, please contact her.

Love to all of you,

Glenna Friesz

Empty...

The house feels soooo empty this morning - no movement, no joy, only silence. That is pretty much how my heart feels, as well. No joy, only mourning and silence. Matt left her TV on yesterday morning, and I cannot bring myself to turn it off. Her breakfast plate is still on the counter where she left it, and I cannot bring myself to clean it up. Miller still uses his "security blankets." They are still here, and I can't seem to let them out of my site.

I need to be packing the house, but cannot bring myself to move any of their stuff. If I leave things as they left them, I can almost picture them just leaving it there. Plus, when they come home, I want everything right where they left it.

Everyone keeps telling me to try to think of this as their weekend with their Dad, but it's just not possible. I know they will not be home tomorrow afternoon. I know I will be going to sleep in the house, alone, for the next four nights. How do I function, when everything about my day, actually my life, revolves around them? I truly do not know what to do with myself. I don't know how to just take care of me. For 9 1/2 years, I have not taken care of just me.

I miss them so much. I feel so helpless. It's as if I could crawl out of my skin because I do not know what else to do. I want to scream!!!! My arms are so empty. I long to hold them and hear their sweet voices. I want them home!!!!

The hearing is Wednesday morning, at 8:30 a.m. That seems eons away from today... I want to make up for all of the lost hugs and kisses from the last few days. Once they are home, how do I ever let them out of my sight again?

My present family status...

I had my meeting with the CPS investigator, and it seemed to have gone well. From what I was told about the allegations against me, it was definitely the ex-mother-in-law. There were things she exaggerated, that only she could have come up with, because a lot of it goes back to when the ex and I separated. Due to some of what she said, the witch ended up implicating the ex, and he is now under investigation, as well. What a Mom...

Here comes the horrible, awful, rotten part... When the ex found out he was under investigation (before finding out his mother made the report), he flipped out and filed an Amended Petition for Custody and TRO. So, he now has custody of my kids. I spoke to him last night, and it seemed we were going to get this all straightened out. He said he would speak with the CPS investigator, and see what she had to say.

He spoke to her this morning, and she told him to go forward with the custody petition. I thanked him for making me look guilty of neglect. I have CPS investigating me, his MOTHER is the one that filed the report against me, and HE is suing me for custody. How in the HELL does he think that makes me look???

So, I will be spending the weekend alone, with the dog. The kids will not be coming back on Sunday evening. Our temporary hearing will be held on Wednesday morning, at 8:30 a.m. I am praying that this goes well, and they can return to me afterwards.

I presently feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and run over by a steam roller. I'm nauseated, and I want to just crawl in a hole until Wednesday. However, I cannot. I have to work, and I also need to get the house packed up for the move, which is supposed to be next weekend. It's hard to concentrate, when all I can do is think about my Angels.

PLEASE, I'm begging, pray I get my children back.

Prayer request...

Let me first start by thanking you guys for the wonderful comments left for me... I knew I could count on my friends for support, love and understanding! You guys are awesome.

Next, I will be meeting with the CPS investigator, at my house, at 12:00 today. My best friend is going to be with me, and possibly my younger brother (a/k/a my attorney). Please pray that the investigator will see just how much I adore my kids and that I do take care of them and do NOT abuse or neglect them.

I love you all, and thank you for your love and encouragement. I will post again tonight and let you know how everything goes...

Much love...
Glenna

Why can't my life be easier?

What started off as a great weekend ended in disaster! It was my ex's weekend, and he took Miller & Matt and left Maggie with me. She had a Halloween slumber party Friday nite, and he let her stay. Saturday, Maggie and I had the best time. We went shopping, out to eat, to a movie and then more shopping. She was soooo sweet. She kept telling me that it was "the best day ever!" When you're a single Mom, any time you are able to spend with just one child is truly a time to be treasured.

Sunday morning, we got up and went to church. After church, we went to my Mom's. The three of us decided to go eat at Cracker Barrel. Well, Mom takes a tumble on the way into the restaurant - scared me 1/2 to death. After about 20 minutes or so, we were able to get her up and into the restaurant. While we were waiting on our food, the ex met us there with Miller and Matt. Fast forward... After the kids got out of AWANAs, we came home and started winding down. I typically try to have the kids in bed, lights out, TVs off by 8:30. We are getting ready to move, and I was going through a bunch of clothes and realized it was time for the Maggie & Miller to take their nighttime medicine. So, since I was in the middle of something, I sent Maggie to the kitchen to take hers. Miller was in the kitchen, so she left the bottle open for him to get his medicine. Well, the little fart decided he would take FOUR of them, instead of one. He proceeds to inform me of this, while I'm nuking their dinners in the microwave. Anyway, I call the ER, they have me call poison control. Poison control has me take hime to the ER.

We end up at the Medical Center ER. I was so scared. Then, there was the feeling of guilt. I should have stopped what I was doing and given them the medicine myself. Then the fear returns. I have NEVER IN MY LIFE felt so alone and scared!!!! Fortunately, the amount he took would only make him EXTREMELY sleepy. Unfortunately, my divorce papers state I must contact the ex in cases such as this. I do, and am chastised about allowing a 9 1/2 year-old to take her own medicine. Just about the time we get settled into the ER room, he arrives from Houston. I am grateful that he was rather pleasant. Fast forward... Miller slept until 10:30 yesterday morning. He woke up "wide-open!" He was his normal hyper self.

Wild Man returned to school today, and I forgot to send a note with him. Well, the teacher asked why he was out, and he told her. When the kids get out of school, Maggie informs my mother that Child Protective Services showed up at school and interviewe her. I later found out they also interviewed Miller. I got home this evening to find a card from a CPS investigator. I am under investigation by CPS for child abuse or neglect. I cannot believe this is happening!!! I absolutely ADORE my children. I may not be the traditional mother, but I love them sooooo much! To have someone accuse me of intentionally harming one of my children is one of the most humiliating, hurtful things I have ever been through. So, now I will be going through an investigation, homes visits, having friends interviewed, etc.

I'm not sure if I will ever know who reported me - the school, the hospital or my ex-mother-in-law, but I have absolutely NOTHING to hide!!!!! I have not abused my kids, and I have never neglected them!

Right now, I am feeling so alone, scared, worried, etc. I do not understand why, when things were starting to look better for us, they had to take yet another detour! Why is it that I am not allowed to just fall into that "rut" that many people complain about? I would sooooo love to find that!

Please pray for me and the kids. This is going to be a long and very stressful process. I had just found hope, and now this...

Simple Pleasures...

Being the first one in the office to use your favorite toilet in the morning…

The smell of a match that has been struck after someone has taken a dump… This works better than air freshener. I don’t know about you, but vanilla scented poo is just gross.

Privacy while using the toilet…

Not being constipated...

Not running into traffic in the morning…

Knowing you’re the only one in the house drinking out of the orange juice container (this saves on the dirty glasses)…

Waking up in the morning & NOT having to change the 4 y/o's sheets because she wet the bed…

Not having to share your coffee with anyone else in the house…

Clean sheet day…

When all 3 kids cooperate for bed-time…

When all 3 kids cooperate in the morning…

When you cook something ALL 3 kids will eat…

Loose grapes in the bottom of the bag...

That few minutes of silence before the kids are awake...

Waking up, and there is NOT a kid in the bed with you...

Arriving to work on time...

The drive home from work... (This is the last bit of silence I will have for the rest of the day)

And they grow up...

Well, my handsome little man lost his first tooth last night. Isn't that just cutest thing you have ever seen?

I cannot believe he is finally old enough to be losing teeth! It blows my mind. I turned around, and there he was - no longer a baby. How in the heck did that happen? Where did the time go? Was I not paying attention and missed out on something? I sure hope not. It just seems like the other day, he was three years old and I had taught him to say he wouldn't put me in an old-folks home when I grow old (he still says he won't - just ask him).

Let me tell you something about being a single Mom. I LOVE IT!!!! I love being with my kids. I love knowing that I have NEVER missed a softball/baseball game, school program, open house, report card, etc. For the last four years, I have not had to share any of the milestones, with anyone. What do I not like about being a single Mom? Not being able to share those milestones with anyone. I do love the satisfaction of seeing them grow and become their own individual person and knowing that I had a large part in it. I love knowing that I am the major influence in their lives. I also love knowing that THEY know Mommy will always be there, no matter what!

I know that to some of you, this might seem a little self-centered, selfish, etc., but everything I do is done with my children in mind. My two most important titles: Woman of God and Mom!

Amazing...

Isn't it just amazing how one change in your life can effect you so deeply?

I am so thankful for my new job. Not only does it pay better, but it makes me feel better. It is so nice to feel appreciated again. It is also nice to hear that I am doing a good job. Even better is that all of this has put a smile back on my face. It's wonderful to know that when people ask me how I'm doing, I can look at them, with a smile and say "I'm doing great."

I knew that my past job had me really down, but I did not realize to what extreme, until I started the new job. I do not spend the entire drive to work with a nauseating knot in my stomach. I do not sit around on Friday nights dreading having to return to work on Monday.

It is absolutely wonderful to be at peace and to once again have hope. I truly feel the promise in Jeremiah 29:11. I know that God is working things out for our good. I am only ashamed that I ever doubted him. I am humbled...

Presently, I am in that place where I "do no worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things..." Matt 6:34. I almost feel "carefree." It's a nice feeling for a change. I'm not sure how long this feeling will last, but I fully intend to revel in it, while I can.

I had a date last nite!

SHOCKER!!!! LOL It's the first date I have been on in about a year. I had a good time. We went out to eat and then to play miniature golf. By the time we were at the 5th hole, I remembered why I am not a big miniature golf player. It is not a good game for someone with ADD. LOL Trying to see how many putts it takes to put the ding-dang ball in the hole is NOT my type of fun.

We did also play a few video games, which was fun. I went to try to cash in the tickets & get something for the kids. I thought I had quite a few. I didn't even have enough to get a party favor size playdo. LOL What a flippin' rip-off!!! LOL

So, all this brings me to think that there ARE some really nice guys out there, and one of them found me. It gives me a little more faith that God really does have someone for me, and that I might actually find him, some day.

Where to begin??? What to write???

Well, I'm sitting here, ALONE, and am having one of those times where I feel the need to let my brain "regurgetate." So, here it goes. This will probably be a long read, so I'll categorize it.

Kids
My 4 y/o is absolutely the funniest, most quick-witted child I have ever known. She is either making crack up, or want to hang her up by her ponytaile. LOL The other afternoon, I asked her what she was doing. She said "Playing with my ding-dang Barbie." Monday, we were @ the window @ Dairy Queen, and they had messed up our Blizzard order. She wanted me to tell them, and I quote: "...to get their head out of their butt." I really need to watch what I say around her. The night we ordered country baskets, I placed the huge bag in her lap. She told me the lady needed to be fired for getting them too hot. I cannot take credit for that one. LOL

Miller has been having a few issues, mainly with school. He is OVERLY intelligent and an OVER ACHIEVER. This sounds great, but it's not. When your child is upset because he made 105 on his spelling test, instead of 106, you really need to begin stressing the fact that we do not always have to be perfect. He has also landed yellow for talking quite a bit, which is odd for him. He may talk me to exhaustion at home, but is usually extremely quiet at school. Yesterday, when trying to find out who he was talking to, he informed me "nobody." Well, apparently "nobody," listens and talks back, or he would not be on yellow. LOL

Maggie on the otherhand is extremely laid back when it comes to school and her grades. She is very smart (she had a perfect score on her reading TAKS last year). However, she considered the 74 she had on one of her papers a good grade. I started chuckling, and so did my Mom. Why were we chuckling? Because it reminded us BOTH of a little girl who had the same philosophy many years ago. ME!

New Job
Well, last Friday, when the previous boss sent me home because I had NO voice and couldn't make phone calls or answer the phone, I decided his comment of "Go ahead and do your time sheet and you can go," meant permanently, so I began my new job on Wednesday. it is sooo nice there. All of the ladies in the office are really nice, and so far, there doesn't seem to be a lot of office gossip. We report directly to the attorneys we work for, and not to the office manager. Basically, she handles the business end of the staff, office, etc. The guy I work with pretty much has the same personality I have. We spoke more in 3 days, than my previous boss and I did in 8 mos. It was a welcome change. It was nice to be at home last nite and not already DREADING going to work on Monday. My whole demeanor has changed. I feel so much more relaxed.

Weight, etc.
I'm sure most of you did not know that I used to be a smoker. I finally quit in January of this year. This will explain to all of you my weight gain since that time. As I am high anxiety, I would smoke basically to have something to do. Now, I no longer to that, and I find myself eating instead. Since Dr. Phil insists we overeat for a reason other than a love for food (LOL), I have decided I eat when I get really lonely. My problem is, I get extremely lonely when the kids are either asleep or not at home. Food, my computer & my TV are my constant companions. I really need to find some things to do when the kids are gone. Plus, I need a hobby for when they go to sleep at night. I'm hoping that when we move in with my Mom, I will no longer dread the quietness, when the kids are not around.

Anyway, my best friend (Dana) and I have decided that we are going to look Hot and FAB-U-LOUS by our 40th b-days. Dana's is in 4 mos. That totally FLOORED me. I could not believe we were that close to "It." Mine is in 6 mos. Holy Doo-Doo! I must make some positive changes in my life before that time. I refuse to be an overweight, depressed single Mom. So, pray that I am able to begin making positive changes over the next 8 mos. I want to lose weight, have a closer walk with God, be a better mother and more financially independent. I also want to begin to work on whatever career it is that God has planned for me. I am still trying to discern that exactly that is...

I am so excited - An Answered Prayer!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I have found a new job, or should I say a new job found me. I received a call from my younger brother, who is an attorney. Another attorney I had interviewed with prior to arriving in hell (a/k/a my present job), had contacted him. He is letting his secretary go, and wants me to come work for him!!!! My salary increase will be around $9000, plus I will have insurance, vacation and sick time. The attorney and I really hit it off during my prior interview, but he had decided to go with the other girl. He told me when I spoke to him today, that he had obviously made the wrong decision.

FINALLY!!!! Something great has happened for me. You guys have NO idea how much I needed something positive to happen in my life. It's even better since this is something pretty big!!!

I'm a lyrical genious!

Since, I have been publishing some pretty depressing posts, I decided to give you a taste of the lighter side of things. For those of you who do not know me very well, here's a look into my witty, dry, sarcastic sense of humor, and my talent for writing. LOL Please pardon any offensive language.

(to the tune of Farmer in the Dell)
I really hate my job.
I really hate my job.
My boss is an Ass Wipe.
I really hate my job.

He bitches & he gripes.
He bitches & he gripes.
My boss is an Ass Wipe.
I really hate my job.

I really hate my job.
I really hate my job.
Aaz Weepe’ won’t buy a microwave.
I really hate my job.

I treat my dog better than this.
I treat my dog better than this.
He doesn’t purchase writing utensils.
I really hate my job.
_____________________________

Hi, Ho. Hi, Ho.
I hate my job, you know.
We have no pens,
He’s a stupid man.
Hi, ho. Hi, ho. Hi, ho!

Hi, Ho. Hi, Ho.
I hate my job, you know.
No microwave.
It’s money he saves.
Hi, ho. Hi, ho. Hi, ho!

Hi, Ho. Hi, Ho.
I hate my job, you know.
My pay is crap.
That’s a wrap.
Hi, ho. Hi, ho. Hi, ho
__________________________
This poem was written the day I ran out of coffee at the office:
Oh, Coffee. Oh, Coffee.
Wherefore art thou, my beloved Coffee?
I miss thou comforting aroma.
I miss thou soothing color.
I miss thou in my coffee cup.

Oh, Coffee. Oh, Coffee.
Wherefore art thou, my beloved Coffee?
__________________________

Thoughts to ponder...

Now, here's a little look into how my mind works:

How come when we close a letter, we put “Sincerely,” “Sincerely yours,” “Very truly yours,” etc.? Are we really sincere, sincerely theirs or very truly theirs?

Why do they say dogs travel in a pack, livestock are herds and birds are flocks? Did the dogs, birds or livestock actually tell someone what their groups are called?

How come when we get off the phone we say “Good-bye,” “Bye, Bye,” or “Thank you?” Is “Bye” ever really good for both parties? Are we thankful for their help, or are we thankful they let us off the phone?

How come when we get paid we thank the management for the paycheck? I thought we were here to do a job and get paid. Why should we thank them for something we are owed?

Why do they call a softball a “soft-ball?” If you have ever been hit with one, you would know it’s not that “soft.” (Just ask Maggie - lol)

Why is it called a hot dog? They are not always hot, and they are not made from dog.

Why do they call it a drive thru? Our insurance would not be happy if we truly drove thru.

Why is it a hurricane in the US, but a cyclone in other parts of the world? It’s all the same damn thing – a lot of wind and water!

If you are divorced, your previous spouse is not an ex. If he were an ex, you could mark him out & he would be GONE!

If the kids on the bus truly go “Up & Down,” wouldn’t there have been a lawsuit filed by now?

Why is it called a “Live Oak?” Duh? What do you want, a “dead oak?”

If it’s a freeway, why is there a speed limit and why do we have to pay for a ticket. It’s a “Free-Way” and we should be free to go way over the speed limit.

Why is it called common sense? If it were common wouldn’t everyone have it?

As we get older, are we sure we should be brave enough to tell our friends “Happy Birthday?”

When you visit someone in the hospital, should we really say “Good bye?” Remember, “Bye” is not always good for both parties.

Frustrated, Angry, Mad, etc...

For the last couple of days, I have been in one of my "moods." I'm just fed up with life in general.

I did not get paid for any of the "hurrication." I did file for the emergency unemployment, and will be compensated in the amount of $155/wk. Gee... That's a little less than 1/2 of my weekly pay. That's gonna go really far. NOT! My paycheck for this week was a net of $116, since I didn't return to work until Thursday, when the kids went back to school. My ex is only planning on paying me $150 for child support for this month. I do not have money for rent, utilities, etc., for this month. Miller's b-day was Thursday, and I couldn't even afford to get him anything. I was able to send cupcakes to school and get him a cake - Thanks Food Stamps. It's amazing, food stamps pay for candy, sodas, cakes and any other kind of junk food, but not for necessities, such as toilet paper, toothpaste and other toiletries.

Today, my gorgeous 9 y/o is at a birthday party for one of her best friends. She was soooo excited! They were riding to Houston, via a Ford Excursion Limousine, and going to Dave & Busters. I got her all dolled up - curled her hair, put on some sparkly eye shadow, perfume, jewelry. She looked fabulous - I was amazed I was able to improve upon utter perfection. So, I take her to her friend's house, which is absolutely beautiful from the outside. I have been there before, but have never really looked around. Her friend's little brother's nursery is beautiful, her friend has a precious room that any pre-teen would love. She also has her own bathroom, and another room with a larger bed and larger TV, for when she has friend's over. At the end of the hall, you go up a set of stairs, and there is literally a miniature movie theater. Two small rows of stadium seating and a screen that takes up an entire wall. I was floored!!!

On my way home, I begin pondering things. I absolutely ADORE my children, and want nothing more than to provide them with a wonderful life. I kept thinking about her friend's room and the fact I could never provide my kids with something so nice. I looked at all of her friends and the cute clothes they were wearing, and then thought of my beautiful daughter in her payless shoes, hand-me-down pants and Wal-Mart shirt. I know this is all material stuff, but it just seems to re-enforce the fact that life is such a struggle for us. I admit that I do get jealous. I'm not so much jealous of all the material possessions of friends and family, but from the fact they can provide the necessities for their kids. I can't even afford to provide a roof over my kids' head, nor feed them, without government assistance.

Some other issues that have placed me teetering on the edge are the theft of some things around my house. A friend of mine that lives in an apartment had his bike stored in my garage. Well, it went missing this past weekend. Monday, during broad daylight, while we were at my Mom's, someone walked into our garage and stole one of the kids bikes we received through the Reaud Foundation last year. Then, I get home yesterday, and someone had taken the Little Tykes playground from our back yard. The playground was not that big a deal, just the principle of it. The bike was HUGE. We received it though a wonderful charity last Christmas, and it was something I definitely cannot afford to replace. It's all so frustrating.

At what point will all of this ease up? When will things become easier? I do NOT need a lot of money or a fancy house. I just want to provide a better life for my kids. I just want them to have a few of the things they want, and a nicer home. The only way I have found I can do that is to move back in with my mother. I appreciate her generosity, but feel like I am admitting defeat. However, as I can come up with no other idea to make things better for them, I have no choice. God has entrusted them in my care, and I can't provide for them worth a flip! I have failed him, as well as the kids...

There is so much more to all of this. This is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. So, if any of yo have any suggestions on how to make things better in my life, I am soooo open to hearing them.

Finally Home...

Well, we got our electricity back Friday, and returned home late Friday nite. The kids were absolutely WONDERFUL the entire time we were gone. I was so proud. Miller was so cute on the way home. He said all he wanted was to get in his own bed.

Our home was fine. We just had some rathr large (tree size) branches snap off the trees. Our trees are really old. Anyway, the kids and I moved a lot of the smaller branches. The majority of what's left are the larger ones, which some men from the church will cut.

My heart is truly with my friends and family whose homes were damaged or a total loss. I feel so helpless and wish there was something I could do. How do we help them pick up the pieces? I know it's all just "stuff," but this stuff holds a special place in most peoples' hearts. There is a difference between a house and a home - a house is the place you live and a home is not only the place you live but the place that lives in your heart. It's that place where you feel comfortable and safe. The place where, when you go there, you know you belong there. To lose a home is like losing that sense of safety, peace and belonging. I have been there, but mine was not lost to a storm...

The boss' office was not damaged (unfortunately), but is still without power. I am somewhat glad, because I am not ready to go back to work for him. Just the thought of it makes my stomach turn and makes me nauseated. I am more than tempted to not even return. I have filed for emergency unemployment, but it will not pay much. I am going to spend this time searching for something else that will provide for us. Please pray that God leaves me in the right direction.

Also, we will soon start packing up and getting ready for the move back to Mom's. We will be moving to her house after the first of October, once my nephew has moved to California. Let the fun begin! You know what bites? Trying to pack up a family of four BY YOURSELF!!!! It's stressful, exhausting and overwhelming. I also ask that you pray for peace for all of us both during and after the move.

I feel like I'm rambling, but I have so much on my mind. My next concern is for my older brother out in California. He is going through an EXTREMELY messy divorce. Unfortunately, his 2 children from this marriage are having a really rough time with it. My 12 y/o nephew refuses to go to his mother's. My 7 y/o niece is not too keen on going to her mother's, either. Presently, my brother has custody of both of them. Let's pray it stays that way. I so wish I could be out in California with them.

My prayers are with you...

Hello, ladies! I wanted to let everyone know that we did leave. We are in Dallas, staying with a friend of my Mom's. I am so thankful that she was so willing to open her home to us. I know the kids and I are quite and imposition. However, she has been more than gracious. The only down side is that my sweet Prissie Dog is having to stay outside. Since Prissie has never been told she is a "dog," she is quite traumatized. LOL I also miss her company around the house.

I do know that God must have truly had a hand over Nederland, as I believe we suffered the least damage. However, there is one family in our church that we need to be praying for - Kathryn and Bryan Alvis. Their home in LaBelle is in the back of the same subdivision as my cousin, right off Hwy 365. The Alvis' home is close to the bayou, which flooded. My cousin has 4 feet of water in her home, which is at a higher elevation than the Alvis'. This means it is likely the Alvis' home is flooded, as well.

Please remember to pray for one another, especially those that were in the flood areas.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to bring you hope and a future."

Maybe this time will be better...

As most of you know, my kids and I have been struggling financially, ever since I was laid off from a job, which I loved, last April. Unfortunately, I am working at a job I absolutely hate, for a boss who has ZERO respect for me as an employee, nor as a person.

Prior to moving out 2 years ago, the kids and I had lived with my Mom, 2 teenage nephews & their dog. That's 7 people and one annoying mutt living in a 3/2 1/2. Not a lot of fun... Presently, my younger nephew has moved out of Mom's, and the oldest one is finally getting to go live with his Dad (the mutt will go too). I will miss him terribly, but I am thrilled he FINALLY has this opportunity. In light of this, my Mom has made me the offer to let the 4 of us, and our dog, move back into her house. This will not only help us, but will help her as well. I will be able to help with her utilities, laundry, etc. In turn, we will be able to afford to do a little more. This time, she has agreed to allow me to make some changes, so we will feel more at home. Plus, they will help when it comes time for her to sell the house.

All that being said, I'm really scared. I do not want my Mom and I to get back to that awful relationship we had when the kids and I were there before. I am also afraid I am trading one crummy living situation for another. Not having to worry about all of the bills will be wonderful, as will having some adult company. I just do not want to end up with an entirely new set of stressors.

I have discussed the move with Maggie and Miller, and they were both happy about it. I knew Maggie would be, but I was sure Miller would have an issue with it. However, he had a huge smile on his face. I think they are just happy that we will be in a decent home again - our house is kind of a dump. Maggie is excited about having more than one bathroom. LOL The kids will all sleep in the same bedroom - the girls have bunkbeds - but I think we can do this. BTW - does anyone know if it's possible for a tiny 4 y/o girl to jump from the top bunk to the ceiling fan? I can just see this happening @ Mom's. LOL

So, if I do decided we should do this, here is my requests - prayer! Please pray that this situation will work for ALL of us. Pray that God blesses this time in our lives and that we are all able to live together in peace.

Who is that person?

So, this morning, I get to work, with only 1/2 my make-up on, as usual. After the boss-man walks out, I go into the restroom to put on the mascara. I look at the person looking back at me from the mirror, and I think to myself "Who in the heck is that?There is absolutely NO WAY that can be me." I do not have that many wrinkles around my eyes. I mean, I KNEW I had grey hair. I've had grey hair since my 20's. What is the deal with the right eyelid starting to droop a little bit. When in the HECK did that happen (now all of you will be staring at it to see if it really is drooping, LOL). What about the ding-dang frown lines? Gees, when I smile, there are even wrinkles around the dimple on my left cheek. What is up with this?

Turning 39 this summer was quite difficult. Every birthday finds me reflecting back on my life, and I truly hate what I see. When you're divorced, your life is categorized like this: (1) Before I was married; (2) While I was married; and (2) Since the divorce.

(1) Before I was married - I was the strong, independent type. I had a new car every three years (just before the warranty ran out), I had my own home and a well-paying job.
(2) While I was married - I was a loving/doting wife & mother, the picture-perfect stay-at-home Mom, and not to mention a fabulous cook and housekeeper.
(3) Since the divorce - I have fallen on my backside, time after time. I am now an overweight, grey-haired, wrinkled, single, working mother with 3 young children. Among my accomplishments are: ???? I'll come back to this one. LOL

The other day, Matt handed me a picture of myself from just about 3 yrs ago. I thought I was going to cry. I hardly recognized myself. I was smiling and truly happy. Where did that person in the picture go? Where is that smile? Where is that happiness? I think they are buried beneath the mountains of dirty laundry, the baskets of clean laundry, dirty dishes, messy bedrooms and piles of bills. Replacing that smile and happiness are the stress of providing for three children, trying to make sure there is enough of me for all of them, trying to juggle our finances (or lack thereof) in order to get everything paid, the grief from the death of what used-to-be, the loneliness and the hectic schedule and routine I now enforce alone. I am downright determined to find that person again. BTW - does anyone know a plastic surgeon that will get rid of the wrinkles, for free. LOL

Now, back to my accomplishments. I have been blessed to raise three GORGEOUS children, that I absolutely adore. I have taught them sarcasm, to be goofy, sensitive, playful, loving and kind. They are 3 unique individuals, with 3 distinct personalities. They may not always mind me, but they are almost always respectful and polite to others.

Nope, we didn't evacuate!

So, for those of you that did evacuate, I hope you arrived at your destinations safely, and also returned safely, nerves and sanity intact. Personally, I chose to ignore the mandatory evacuation order. Don't get me wrong, I had no intention of riding out the storm. However, I also had no intention of spending 9 hours to travel 80 miles, with 3 kids and a dog, ALONE! That was not my idea of a relaxing long weekend.

There were two other reasons we didn't evacuate:
(1) As my boss' policy is "You don't work. You don't get paid." I didn't want to evacuate only to find out it was unnecessary, and then have to bust my booty to get back here to return to work today. So, I monitored the storm closely, with full intentions of leaving yesterday morning if it became necessary; and

(2) The only option we had for evacutation was, please don't laugh, going to stay with my ex-husband. Now, typically, this would not really be a bad idea, but our situation is not typical. I did not relish the thought of going to his boyfriend's house and spending quality time with them and my kids. No need to re-read that sentence. You read it correctly the 1st time. Anyway, it was just a little bit more than I could deal with emotionally.

Well, obviously, God was watching over us, because our area remained unscathed. We should all be thankful. However, now we have Hanna, who looks like she's contemplating her path, Ike (he sounds mean, i.e. Ike Turner) and Josephine. Would anyone like to place any wagers on which of these will arrive to spend time with us in the next week or so?

My kids are funnier than your kids!!!

My kids never cease to amaze me with the things that come out of their mouths. They are absolutely hysterical, even whey they try not to be. Yesterday was a classic...

While driving home from Beaumont with Miller, he was talking (incessantly) to me. He brought up the subject of the school nurse and how she wears the same kind of clothes everyday. I explained to him that it was a nurse's uniform, and she wears it to distinguish her as the school nurse. Then, he proceeds to say: "I think she sleeps at the school." I chuckled (I knew where this was going), and he said "No, really. There are these beds by her office. I think she sleeps there." I had to then inform him that those were for kids that are sick and are waiting for the Mommy or Daddy to pick them up. I thought I was gonna fall over laughing!!!!

Now, onto Matt. We were sitting at th e McDonald's drive-thru and paying for the food, when I hear from the backseat: "Hey, what's your name, gull (4 y/o pronunciation). The girl tells her it's "Sara." We were just about to drive up to the next window when I hear from the backseat: "Hey, what's your name, wittle wady?" Maggie & I were rolling. I chuckled all the way to church, and all nite, when I would think about it.

Okay, so now, it's Maggie's turn. We went to pay the water bill, and Maggie asks me "Hey, Mom. Can we buy an island?" I responded with the typical "Sure, no problem." She starts talking about it and says: "I'm gonna name it Hock-a-loogie." I start laughing and asked where she got that from, and of course it was one of those phrases I had taught her. Anyway, I asked her how she decided to name her island Hock-a-loogie, and she says: "I don't know. Sounds kinda Hawaiian to me." So, anyone wanna live on Hock-a-loogie Island with us? ROFL

I wonder, where do they come up with this stuff???

Back to School!

I know that many of you have children that are NOT school age. However, low and behold, I have all 3 of mine in school! Well, Matt is only for a 1/2 day, but don't tell her she's not big stuff!

Maggie is in 4th grade. She was so excited about going back to school, that when she woke up at 5:45 a.m., she couldn't go back to sleep. She seemed to have enjoyed the first day back, but was not thrilled to learn neither of her best friends are in her class. Maggie has a pretty laid back attitude about school.

Then, there's Miller. He was so excited that he couldn't get to sleep Sunday nite, which meant he didn't want to get up yesterday morning. He's in 1st grade and in the G&T class. He strives for perfection. He does not like to get anything below a 100. Quite a bit of stress for someone so young. At least one of them cares about their grades. LOL

Maggie is extremely intelligent - she had a PERFECT score on the TAKS test, and received a commendation certificate. The difference is, she just does not put as much effort into it. Miller, on the other hand, gets quite upset if he does not get every question correct. I guess I'm going to have to work on this with him.

Now, about Matt. She started Pre-K this year, or as she says "Pee-K." She looked adorable this morning. She had her new Hannah Montana shirt on, hair in 2 ponytails and her Hannah Montana back pack. She was just running to her class after Maggie walked her to the sidewalk. It was absolutely precious! I wish I would have taken a picture.

These moments are so precious. It will not be long before I am having to physically yank the farts out of bed and onto the floor in order to get them to start getting ready for school. There will soon be the mornings filled with dirty looks as I drop them off at their respective schools.

This is the only year I will ever have all 3 kids at the same school. After this year, I will be dropping Maggie off at Middle School and Miller and Matt at the elementary school. By the time Maggie reaches 9th grade, I will have one in elementary, one in middle and one in high school. I think I will paint my car yellow, slap a taxi sign on it and start accepting fares. Maybe that way I can pay for the gas.

I would not trade the adventure for the world. It is well worth all of the stress, heart ache, hard work, etc. Of all the jobs I have ever had, my favorite is simply "Mom."

The Tiny Princess a/k/a Monkey

This child is absolutely HILARIOUS. She is so animated. Her facial expressions are priceless. Last nite, she was wanting me to order pizza (keep in mind she's only 4). She looks at me with her hands clasped together (as if getting ready to pray), attempting to bat her eyes and stick out her bottom lip, and says "Pease?" No, I did not misspell that. LOL

There are no r's or s's in her vocabulary. We go wimming and her Daddy calls her weet pee. Did you know there are certain one syllable words that actually contain two syllables? For example, hair is pronounced hai-rr; head is pronounced Hay-ed.

Last nite did end up being pizza nite. Pizza nite is always fun. We sit at the table cutting up and joking around. Maggie burped, and we were all talking and giggling. All of a sudden, Matt says "shhh. Quiet." Then, she said "Damn-it." I was trying not to let her see me laughing as I told her not to say that. Instead, she says "Oh, my goodness." We all looked at her, and she replies ", I can't burp." The little fart was sitting there trying to make herself burp, and wanted to be sure we all heard her. LOL I thought we were all gonna fall on the floor laughing.

She can also come up with some "tall tales." The other day, she was talking to her Daddy on the phone and talking to him about a Miley Cyrus concert." She gets off the phone and tells me she is going to a Miley concert. Of course, I'm wondering what she has cooked up with her Dad. So, I call him, only to find out he was also wondering what she was talking about. He wasn't taking her to a Miley concert, either. LOL

Matt is quite the little Fashionista, as well. She can match clothes better than any little girl I have ever seen. She's better than Maggie. LOL She loves to wear the little skirts with the shorts built in. However, since she is such a bully around the house, it reminds me of putting an elephant in a tu-tu. Or, for those of you who have ever seen "Hope Floats," the chubby little girl in the dress with the high-tops that beat up Bernice. That's our Matt.

Things I have learned in Motherhood...

Well, I woke up this morning, definitely more upbeat than I have been over the last few days. Let's just hope it stays that way. LOL

This morning, I was thinking about a lot of things I have learned over the past 9 years, since Maggie was born. So, here we go:

Blonde is NOT just a hair color. It is a personality trait.

Boys are DEFINITELY different than girls.

Peeing all over and around the toilet is something boys have inherited.

Boys do not carry a gene for sensitivity toward sisters.

Never underestimate the intelligence of your youngest child.

Your older children can be more scared of your youngest child, than she is of them.

If you do not want it repeated, do not say it in front of your kids.

Girls have a magnet that tends to pull everything from the closets and off the shelves, as they walk through a room.

A clean room is one with pathways to the bed and TV.

A bed is made when the comforter is thrown across the bed & the pillow laid on top.

Chips - the breakfast of champions.

Caffeine is my friend.

It is possible to stay up until 2:00 with one child, and then wake up at 6:00 with another (see above).

A shopping trip to Wal-Mart, without kids, is considered a mini-vacation.

My house will never be as clean as it was, prior to the birth of child #3.

Xanax should be a requirement for all single Moms with more than 2 children.

Parents that say their kid has ADHD are not just using it as a cop-out for bad parenting.

It is NOT possible for a 4 y/o girl to pee standing up.

If your son says he needs to pee, and you hear the back door shut, you might want to check this out.

A 3 y/o child has a general idea of where a tampon goes.

No matter what you think, a 3 y/o will think the haircut they gave themselves is wonderful.

A 4 y/o can match clothes better than a 9 y/o.

Little boys can be grumpier than old men.

Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. It's more like the stinking can of peanuts with the springy snakes that pop out. You know something is gonna happen, but it still surprises the snot out of ya.

Although you may not be able to see the bo-bo, it does require a band-aid.

Any time you hear "Uh, Oh," grab the paper towels, mop, broom and dust pan.

After a bath, it is possible for there to be more water on the floor than in the tub.

"Nobody" did it.

It is physically impossible for kids to get their dirty clothes in the hamper, although it is only 6 inches away.

The most glorious time of motherhood is the day you realize you will never have to purchase and/or change another diaper, until you have grandchildren!!!

Most importantly, learn to just "go with it." The house will never be clean, the laundry will never be finished and you will never be able to please all of them at the same time.

My aching heart...

Before becoming a mother, I once heard it said that your children are your heart running around outside of your body. I never knew how true this saying would be.

I’ve been in a funk since Saturday. A friend of ours took me and the kids shopping and bought their backpacks, Maggie a pair of shoes, and each of them a new shirt. For the sake of my kids, I am having to learn to suck it up and let people help, when they offer. Anyway, Maggie and I were looking at some clothes in her department. She keeps pointing out some really cute stuff and asking if she can get it. Of course my answer is the resounding “I just can’t do it right now.” A few minutes later as we were returning from the restroom, she asks me “Momma, why do other people get to have what they want, and we always have to get what is cheapest?” How in the heck do you answer that? The look on her face said it all… Last Sunday at church, Miller had gotten this little card from Sunday School that said pray for the poor, or something like that. He points to it and says “That’s us.” Plus, during another conversation, when Maggie asked if everyone was poor, Miller replied, “No, just us.” My heart is broken… I do not want to give them the cliché “But, we have each other.” A 9 y/o and a 7 y/o do not truly understand what that means.

You know how when you see people at church, they generically ask "How are you?" "How are things going?", etc.? Do you ever wonder if they mean that sincerely? Do they really want to know how things are going, or is that just their manner of saying "Hello?" I am that type of person who tries her best to put on that "happy, go lucky," exterior for everyone. So, when posed any of the above, I smile and say things are going good or great. It is my feeling that people, more than likely, do not want to hear that my life bites, I feel like white trash, I feel as if my world continues to fall down around me, I hate not being able to provide better for my kids, etc. Therefore, I tell them what they want to hear.

I'm sure those of you that read this probably question whether I suffer from depression. The answer to that question would be "Yes, I do." "I am medicated, and everyday when I look at how many pills I take for it, I am amazed that I am not flittering around smiling and laughing incessantly. To answer another question - No, I generally do not show my kids this side of me. 95% of the time, they see the happy go lucky, sarcastic, goofy Mom. That is what they need from me. So, that is what I give them. They need to see me being positive about our situation. That way, they will have the best attitude possible.

I know that God is there. I know he sees my pain. I know there is a purpose for my pain. I just wish God would reveal his plans for me. I am one of those people who needs definite plans. I do not deal well with maybe, possibly, etc. I need to know for sure. So, the fact that I have no idea what I am supposed to do, is playing on what little sanity I have.

Today is a better day!

I find myself relieved that yesterday is over. I was in a "funk," and I couldn't figure out what started it, or why. I'm sure 99.99999% of it had to do with having to come to this job I absolutely HATE! I am ever so grateful to have a job, it would just be wonderful if it was a different one. LOL I am presently trying to find something better, preferably no longer in the legal field. I have gotten out of it twice before, and SWORE I would never go back. Well, here I am. LOL Third time's a charm??? Please pray that I will find something before I lose what sanity I have left.

Anyway! Onto a different subject... My kids... This morning, I'm calling Maggie, because I need to do something. This is the reply I receive: "Maggie's not in right now. Leave a message at the beep. 'Beep.'" It's times like this I am so proud. She is learning when and how to use the sarcastic wit I have taught her. LOL

The other day, I called Miller into the kitchen to take his medicine. He comes walking in with his finger in the air, trying to get that groove-thing going and says "I ain't gonna take my medicine." I did figure out one thing: "White boy ain't got no groove." I thought I was gonna crack up. Wednesday nite, when we were leaving church, he kept telling me to look up, it's shiny. I finally figured out he was talking about how the sun was behind the clouds, and the rays were shining around them. His reasoning: "I think God is having a party, or Jesus." I thought it was hilarious & sweet at the same time.

Matt has been on a roll, too. However, she has not been so funny lately. She's just downright M-E-A-N!!!! If she sees it and wants it, she decides she should have it. She will hit, bite, kick, etc., in an effort to obtain the desired object. For those of you at my church, do NOT let this cuteness full you... She is an angel with horns. LOL

Isolation...

Where to begin??? I love my children, and I do not regret being a single Mom. The circumstances of how I became a single Mom were beyond my control. When I married my ex-husband, never, and I mean NEVER, did I imagine ending up "here." I loved being married - the companionship, being with my best friend, having that constant confidant. Unfortunately, it is what it is, and there is nothing I can do about it. I just did not know the absolute isolation this life would bring.

I go home every evening, and I get the kids fed, bathed and in the beds. Once they are asleep, an eery calm comes over the house. I am alone - alone and lonesome. Alone with my emotions, my fears, my stress. Lonesome for someone to talk to, to share my day with, to just be with. The silence can become deafening.

At work, I arrive at the office in the morning, and I am alone. Heck, I'm alone even when the boss-man arrives. He only speaks to me when absolutely necessary. If he's out of the office, it gets as quiet around here as it does in the evenings, after the kids are asleep. I do not get a lunch break, so I am unable to visit with friends during that time.

I absolutely hate the weekends when the kids are with their Dad. The minute they walk out the door, the house goes into a coma. I am left alone, for the entire weekend. Due to the isolation, it is almost impossible to maintain friendships, other than the one with my best friend of 25 years. She is married, taking care of her in-laws, and we generally keep in contact via e-mail. I go no where, I hang out with no one, other than my mother. So, I just piddle around the house and watch TV or get on the computer.

I do look forward to going to church and visiting with people there, but I feel socially inept. I feel as if I no longer have social skills. I get so happy to be around people, that I feel I am often a little overbearing, talking too much. So, then I go into the mode where I barely speak. I have trouble finding that "happy medium."

There is only one time of day I enjoy the quiet and isolation, and that is in the early morning, when it's still dark and the kids are still asleep. I read my Bible and I pray. I pray for my kids, my Mom, my church, for the man God has chosen for me (does this man really exist?) and for wisdom, among many other things. Sometimes, I feel God is my only friend, and I can speak to Him for long periods of time. I know He should be all I need. It's just hard to let Him.

How do I overcome the isolation? Will I ever get used to it? How do I make and maintain new friendships? How do I allow God to become "enough?"

It's Miller Time!

And, no, I do not mean the beer. LOL

Today, I will share a few things about Miller, aka Wild Man, linguine, noodle, bear, Grumpaw (that's my fave). Miller is my only boy, and a HUGE Momma's boy. He is my comforter, wiper of my tears, favorite man in my life. He is also the grumpiest little man I have ever met, hince the nickname "Grumpaw." I have never seen a little boy that can gripe and complain about everything. LOL In his mind, he has pre-determined the way things should be. God help anyone who distorts this. LOL Other things that make him grumpy: Interrupting his videogame to make him do chores, sleep, eat, etc. Touching his videogame while it is on pause.

As for the nickname "Linguine," this one came about one morning when I went in to wake him. He was sleeping on his stomach, in just his boxers. For those of you that know him, he is skinny, and pasty white. The boy doesn't tan, he just gets a darker shade of pale. Anyway, I look down at his long, skinny, white body, and the first thing I am reminded of his linguine - long, flat and skinny. That was the perfect description of Miller.

Although he is quite grumpy, he can also make me laugh. This morning, he was messing around with Prissie's dog toy and making it squeak. He looks at me and says "I'm not farting. I'm squeezing her toy." I thought I was gonna fall over.

Miller has ADHD, with an emphasis on the "H." He is extremely hyper, prior to taking his medicine. He wakes up "wide open." He has this noise he makes that can only be described as "Whoop, whoop." Anyone that ever visited Astroworld in its prime, will recall the siren that went off prior to every drop of the Skyscreamer. That is exactly what it sounds like. There are various other noises, but there are no descriptive sounds/words for them. LOL Put it this way, I once purchased him a t-shirt that read "Wanna Hear My Special Effects?" That's definitely Miller. LOL

They crack me up!

So, for those of you that do not know me, I have quite the reputation as a smart a**. LOL I'm not sure how often I even say anything serious. Generally, if it comes out of my mouth, it should be taken with a grain of salt. LOL

As I tend to pick on my kids, quite a bit, they have picked up on my sarcasm. The other day, when joking around, the 4 y/o called me a nerd. I'll tell the oldest one something, and she says "Ya think?"

Anyway, I have this bad habit of singing portions of songs, or using quotes out of movies or commercials, in conversation. I do not quote them, I use them appropriately in conversation. Even I think it's quite annoying. LOL This afternoon I as singing a portion of "Some Enchanted Evening," from "South Pacific," I come to the part "...when I find my true love," and Maggie says: "which will probably be never!" I have taught her well. LOL

Blog Help!

As I am a novice to this, I could use a little help.

(1) How do I search for blogs posted by friends?
(2) How do I add a friend's blog link to my blog list?
(3) How in the heck do I get those pictures at the bottom of my blog a little bit smaller?!!??

I really am quite computer savvy, but I just can't quite wrap my brain around this one. LOL

Any other advice/hints/tips will be greatly appreciated!

Blah, blah, blah...

So, today is one of my days where I am in a "funk." I hate this feeling. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad, either. I just feel rather indifferent. It's an awful feeling.

Have you ever felt "stuck" in a situation? That's where I am presently. I am stuck in a situation, that I have NO idea how to get out of. I'm tired of living on government assistance. I'm tired of not having health insurance, I'm tired of barely, if at all, being able to pay bills, I'm tired of feeling like a failure. This time, 4 yrs ago, things were rather stable. My youngest was only 8 wks old, I had a fantastic home, a big car and a family that was complete. Who would have thought that 4 yrs later, I would be living off HUD, have a car that I continually pray will hang in there for another 50K miles and be a single Mom? Even after all this time, I still ask myself how I got "here." How did this happen? I know this all sounds so materialistic, but I miss parts of "that" life. You have NO idea how tired I am of hearing "God doesn't give us more than we can handle." If one more person tells me that, I'm gonna lose it. LOL

I know God has allowed all of this to happen to us. I am also intelligent enough to know that He has a reason. I do not question why me, but more of "What's the purpose?" What is He trying to show me? There are sooooo many things I would like to do with my life. I just want to do what God wants. My big question is "How do I discern His will from my will?" That is a question that constantly runs through my mind - discernment. I do not want to let Him down again. I want to, and must, do His will.

I often feel anticipation for what he has planned for me. It's kind of like when you were a kid, and you were all excited about a trip, or your birthday. Then, there are other days when I just want to throw up my hands and give up. As I write this, I realize that it is quite possible that I should throw up my hands in complete surrender to Him.

It's the Weekend!!!!

Well, I hope this finds everyone enjoying their weekend. I, on the other hand, spent the majority of my day asleep. LOL I am the resident insomniac. I do not sleep much most nights. I generally wake up at least once an hour. Since the kids are gone, I decided to take something with the hope that I might get a better night of sleep. Well, it sort of worked. I still woke up a couple of times, but I went into a coma around 6:00 this morning. I woke, looked at my watch, and thought it said 9:00. Well, it was 11:45. When not wearing your glasses, 11:45 resembles 9:00. LOL I still could not stay awake, so I went back to sleep, until around 4:00. At least I had a chance to relax.

After my last post, I was able to find the good in the situation of the rent increase. At least it will not start until AFTER my car is paid off. That is about the only good thing I can come up with. If anyone else can come up with something, PLEASE, let m know.

As I said before, my kids are gone for the weekend. So, what do I do when they are gone. I sit around and mope because they are not here! I know, it's sad... LOL Since I don't drink, I don't go out and I do not get the chance to meet anyone, I have nothing to do when they are gone. The highlight of my weekend is getting to sleep in, and the option of not getting up early for church on Sunday, which I'm sure God does not appreciate. It's gotten to be a habit that needs to stop. LOL

I guess I will take the time to tell you about my "parenting style." It is not your typical, traditional style of parenting. I absolutely ADORE my children, with every fiber of my being. I am constantly telling them how much I love them and how glad I am to have them. However, that's where the traditional stuff ends. I am not a coddler. I do not believe in running to my children whenever they get hurt. My philosophy is that if there is no blood, no broken bones, nothing protruding out of skin and no vomit, they will survive. Also, I do not believe in whining. We have a saying around my house, that my kids often quote with me: "This is a whine-free zone. There will be no whining, no pouting, no crying, not pitching of fits. This is A WHINE-FREE ZONE." They still whine... You will often here me call my oldest child Blondie, retard, dork, knucklehead, etc. However, it is said with all the love in the world. I cannot tell you how many nicknames I have for this kid. LOL She loves it, and thinks it is funny.

I like to refer to my son as Grump-paw. However, he does not think it is funny. LOL He is the grumpiest little man in the entire world. LOL He prefers to be called noodle or linguine. He is the skinniest, whitest child I have ever seen.

My youngest often is referred to as Monkey or Midget. She has been the smallest of all three of my kids. She is also the most stubborn, independent, hard-headed child, and I have no idea where it came from. She can also be the meanest. LOL

That's just a little about our family. I'm sure you will be hearing more, later.

That's just the way it goes...

I know I have already made a post today, but I felt inclined to post again. Those closest to me know that if it wasn't for bad luck, I would have NO luck at all. It sounds sad, but unfortunately, it's the truth.

I have been so excited that I almost have Bertha (my car) paid off! You have know idea the relief and excitement this has brought me. I have NEVER paid off a vehicle. I have been looking forward to having a little extra money, especially since Miller's birthday is at the end of Sept, and Christmas will be right around the corner.

We are presently receiving Section 8 vouchers for rent. This means that HUD pays a portion of our rent, and we pay the remainder. Well, due to my lack of income at the beginning of the year, my payments were dramatically reduced. After obtaining "gainful" employment, I sent them the updated info. Well, here we are, 5 months later, and I receive a letter from the housing authority stating that beginning September 1, I will be responsible for 1/2 of my rent. That's more than my flippin' car note! That's more than I make in a week!

Obviously, with this, the relief of having a little extra money has been replaced by stress and continued worry about how in the heck I am going to get Miller something for his b-day. Not to mention, the added stress of trying to work Christmas into my budget.

This is literally a case of one step forward, two steps back. Ahhh... This is how we roll...

The "Job"

So, let me tell you a little about my job. My employer shall remain nameless, but I will clue you in on why I look so miserable during the week.

I arrive at work, in da hood in Beaumont, every morning at around 8:30 a.m. I walk in, turn off the alarm, turn off the porch lights, start my coffee, turn on the copier and sit here, alone, until approximately 10:00 a.m. At this time, Mr. Personality comes walking through the door with the usual scowl on his face. He will snippily (is that a word) ask me about messages, and proceed to give me a "you're stupid, go to hell look," while I explain them to him. Then, he walks back to his office and gets online, usually to find out about tennis tournaments. He never speaks to me, unless it is absolutely necessary, and even then, it's with a very gruff tone.

Our office was broken into at the beginning of May 2008, and the microwave was stolen. It is now 07/31/08, and he still hasn't replaced it. If I eat one more sandwich, can of tuna, cold lunchmeat, with cheese and a fruit cup, I am gonna puke!!! As a matter of fact, yesterday, I almost did puke. The twit often leaves for lunch, and has NEVER asked if I wanted/needed anything. BTW - I do not get to take a lunch...

Not to mention the fact that we ran out of paper towels and handsoap in the bathroom 6 wks ago. I have given him a list of supplies, 3 TIMES, and he still has not replaced anything. We are now down to 1 roll of toilet paper, and I'm getting worried. 3 wks ago, we ran out of trash bags. Oh, I forgot to mention one of my duties is to take out the trash ever Monday and roll the can to the street. Yesterday, the water jug on the cooler was empty, and I think it was empty this morning. I honestly think the cheap-skate filled it with tap water. This house/office was built in the 1930's, and I seriously doubt the plumbing has been replaced since then. I really do NOT want to drink the water from the faucet.

So, by now you are asking me why I keep this job. It's simple, I am having difficulty finding a new one, and being a single mother of 3, having a job is absolutely necessary.

Hopefully, now you will understand why, at times, I am not such a happy camper. It is miserable going to a job, where you are treated so crummy and disrespectful. I try to have a good attitude, but as soon as he opens his mouth, that good attitude flies out the window.

I do know that God has great plans for me. I am holding onto the hope of Jeremiah 29:11. However, at times, I seem to loosen my grasp on this one. I know He is in control, and He will provide, but when things seem to constantly be chaotic or miserable, I lose sight of Him. How do you hold onto the hope He gives when you are going through troublesome times? I know it's possible, but I just do not know how...

It's been a long time...

Well, I decided that since I have several friends from church that are on here, I would get back to working on my blog.

So much has happened since my last post. I was laid off, again. It took me 4 months to find another job. I have, however, been working since the end of February. I am grateful for my job, as it helps to provide for my kids. However, let me be honest, I HATE IT!!!! My boss is an ungrateful, arrogant, self-important butthead. Oh, he's also a tight-wad. Presently, what I earn is BELOW poverty level.

Enough of that... The kids are growing up, way too fast. Maggie will be in 4th grade, Miller in 1st and Matt will be starting Pre-K. This is the only year that all of them will attend the same school. After this, I will always be shuttling between 2 schools. At one point, I will have one in High School, one in Middle School and one in elementary. That will be interesting. RRRRrrrr...

Presently, we are getting ready for the start of the new school year. The thought of having to purchase school clothes and supplies for 3 kids, on my income, is quite overwhelming. However, I have learned to ask for help, instead of stressing because I cannot do it alone.

Well, I will be back again, soon.